When you are in the pits, well they are sympathetic, they "feel" for you, they wish you the best....but once the best comes, they do not like it.
That's when you can make the distinction between "real" friends, and "not-so real" friends ( I refrain very consciously here from calling them "fake" friends--in the end that's what they really are). Because real friends are also happy for you when you are happy.....it really comes to that. Sympathy and empathy with "bad" stuff are much easier than with "good" times, or so it certainly seems.
"Anybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend's success."
- Oscar Wilde
- Oscar Wilde
I wonder, what is it that make people hate you for being happy. Is it their own life that sucks, even if they will not own up to it? Is it envy ? What is it ??? I ask myself again and again....
For one thing, it is good...at least you can separate the good from the hypocritical, and in the meanwhile you learn some heavy life lessons.
I also noticed that when you are happy again, people start judging you harshly. Mostly it is people that have a not such a clean conscious themselves that are the most harsh judges. Remember what Jesus said...."Those who are without sin, throw the first stone ". Well even religious people do like to throw stones ( actually they are the worst.... those and "morality crusaders" ), even though they (should) preach the contrary.
Morality crusaders or people who cannot think outside of the box, because it does not fit their view, life, way of being...what do I want with them in the end ???
Stepping away from it and observing it can be quite interesting. Well, admittedly, you do loose some people/"friends", but then again, is it really such a big loss ?? Would you want that kind of fakeness around ?? Well, I do not. I can do without it. I have lived a fake life for a long time, and now that I am waking up, I am doing a big cleaning. I even do not have to do it myself, the "not-so-real" friends actually do it for me. It happens automatically. Sometimes even persons you would not have considered to be in the last category, suddenly find themselves doing something, which makes you open your eyes, think about it deeply only to find yourself in shock that even they are not who you thought them to be.
"Everyone is a friend, until they prove otherwise."
Though it hurts, you know you will have to make some severe decisions. Cut through all the BS and realize whether you want them in your life or not. Harsh, very harsh.....but I guess it just comes with the territory of "waking up", making choices, growing up.....processes that hopefully will never stop throughout life. Because when you do stop waking, choosing, growing, well then you are probably death, isn't it.....
But I have to be honest. There are a lot of friends who are really happy for me, even persons I considered mere acquaintances have been much more enthusiastic about my turn for the good, than some of the persons I considered to be my friends.
I guess in the end that's what life is all about. Every day you learn, and every day you have to be honest with yourself. What works for me, what does not work (any longer) for me ??? Those are the main questions , that's what it comes down to. I can make excuses, I can feign that they do not know what they are doing, but then again, do I want those persons in my life. Do I want them around, do I want to share the good and the bad with them.
I don't think so. Seemingly, growing up and making choices also means cutting out some weeds you certainly do not need. And even though I fear sometimes to make the wrong decisions, by now I know I can trust my instincts, my intuition. It has helped me before, even though I sometimes did not want to follow through on those gut instincts. But every time I went against my grain, something happened (sooner or later) to get me on the right track again.
So this time I guess I will wait and see a bit longer. I can make an informed and intuitive decision based on all facts. And I will...that I know already.....
" A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one's heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away."
- Arabian Proverb
- Arabian Proverb