Ego-Ego-Ego

~ Ego is simply an idea of who you are that you carry around with you. ~ Wayne Dyer

Ego...the all-ruining part of each human being. A part that can destroy you completely. And what's worse, it has the power to destroy people around you, mostly the people that love you.

I have started to step away from my Ego. My Ego is not that important to me anymore. It is there, I admit that. I mostly use it to protect myself against persons I feel might be "dangerous". Then the mask comes on, the defense mechanism kicks in and the Ego takes over. But is it important to me that people think badly of me? No, not anymore so. Is it important that I am being perceived as a do-gooder? No, I have been there, done that, and where did it get me? Nowhere. So, to conclude, Ego has gotten me nowhere, it has only brought me much hurt, sadness, grief, and eventually I lost out. Big time.

~ The ego is not master in its own house. ~ Sigmund Freud

Well Freud was right there. People ruled by Ego, well they always loose in the end. They stop perceiving that there are more important things in life than winning, than outer appearances, than coming out--supposedly-- on top. In their ruthless battle to get everything, in their greediness, they treat people lie stupid little puppets, having no respect for anyone but themselves.



Surely Ego is partly a necessity and when used in small dosage and at the right times it can be very useful. The quotes that I found about Ego made me sit down and think about it some more.

In my experience I have come across mainly three types of persons.

The ones where Ego is Very-Important but luckily they are still aware of their core being, although they are at times unable to reach in and take that core being out. Are they afraid? Perhaps. Are they too proud to admit they are not who they pretend to be? Do they need constant approval and success to BE someone ? The sad thing here is that they have the capacity to reach in and realise they are also dishonoring themselves by not following their Essence. Outer appearances take over, and they usually have a very good flight plan should they be confronted with opening up to their inner core. Be it that they run into their little computer screen -- believe me I have seen that, be it that they become defensive, cocky and then humiliate the person that is --usually-- closest to them.

~ Modern man believes he is fruitful and productive when his ego is aggressively affirmed, when he is visibly active, and when his action produces obvious results. ~ Thomas Merton

The second type are the ones where Ego is not only Very-Important, but All-Important. They are so far caught in their web of fakeness and masks, that they forgot there is something more to life then being recognized as successful, rich, powerful. They are lost cases, as they have allowed their core to die and they pursue the material world feverishly. Those are also the persons that will never find balance, serenity, harmony nor happiness in their short little lives.

The last type are those that have accepted their Ego is still there, but they do not--or at least try very hard-- let it rule them. They allow themselves to become aware . They seek inner balance and harmony. An in their search their inner power becomes stronger and shines through, illuminating their path of life. However evolved they are, I do believe they still have their Ego-moments. --Don't we all?-- But each time they are capable of rising above it. Mainly they will use their Ego as a last drastic measure in circumstances where they have to confront mainly the former All-Important Ego types. They just know that with this type of beings there is simply no reasoning, so they maintain their serenity, their balance , as they portray their Ego to this person, thus leading them astray. Which is probably a clever thing to do.

~ It is the nature of the ego to take, and the nature of the spirit to share.  Proverb

I must mention there is actually a fourth type...those that have evolved in such a way that they NEVER use Ego, they have discarded it completely as it is of no use to them. These persons are old souls, have learned many lessons during many lives. Why would they hide themselves ??

Honestly I can say I am not there yet. It will take some time to become this fourth type, but I have in the past few years evolved to the third kind of person. I do recognize that my mask is coming off more and more. I do not care what people think of me . If they will not take me as I really am, well then they don't have to take me at all. I have no use for such people in my personal life. And I am proud to have made this progress, and to not have remained stuck in my Very-Important Ego personality.

I am not a fool , insofar that I know that in our professional lives, and our day to day dealings with people we do not know, we use a little bit of our mask. It is up to each one of us how far we take that. The less we have to use our Ego and let it rule, the better , the healthier.

Why do I write about this. I guess what we write about is what is inside us, personal experience. An insight that has to come out. 

I have been in a relationship for a long time with a person of the second type. A case of opposites attract ? I don't know. What I do know is that the longer it lasted the more ego-based I myself became, the more I had to put on a mask, as I was not accepted as ME. Not by my partner, but what was worse, not even by myself. How foolish!, you probably think. A fool I was indeed. But certain relationships are just not based on equality ...they are so unbalanced that one person manipulates the other so he/she is the winner. It is easier than you think to fall into that trap. As the saying goes " Love is blind". Well it is blind, but when love becomes fear-based from one side, and obsessive from the other --Ok, I agree that is not real love--- then this unbalanced  relationship will have no way of surviving. It can go on for  a long time, but in the end it will always fail. And that is exactly what happened.


Now in the aftermath of the getting out of that ego-based "love" affair, I am still mourning a lot of lost time. I am in the process of forgiveness, first myself. The other, well to be very frank, I am not there yet. There is still too much nastiness going on for me to be able to go there. It belittles me, a thing I don't like about myself, but then again, isn't recognition the first step to growth. So I'll even try to forgive myself for my pettiness at the moment and see it as yet another step on my way to a new and better life. I pray that soon things will be over, so I am completely free again, because I have to face that I am not free of my past yet.  But that's another story.

~ The foundation of the Buddha's teachings lies in compassion, and the reason for practicing the teachings is to wipe out the persistence of ego, the number-one enemy of compassion. ~
    Tenzin Gyatso